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| Roxey J. wife of J.H. Shaffer 1835-1875 |
So Roxy has been found. At least,
someone has photographed her gravestone for me. (Go to
www.findagrave.com – the
volunteer photographers are a godsend.) It's a bigger monument than
I expected. That's good – they cared about her – at least enough
to purchase a sizable stone. But it still doesn't explain why she's
alone. The other cemetery, closer to town, has at least ½ dozen
family members including her husband, his second wife and numerous
children.
I've been thinking a lot about
cemeteries and gravestones. Since Mom died in December, my brother
and I have been dealing with her estate, as well as ensuring that her
internment was according to her wishes. She was laid to rest
(unattended) in a cemetery in Lebanon Oregon, ironically, not next to
her husband, but with her mother-in-law in between them. (She knew
this would be the case.) We've tried asking the cemetery what Dad's
gravestone looks like, so we can match up mom's but to no avail.
Turns out, she never ordered one for him. It's sad, but I'm not
surprised. She faced his passing four years ago with very little
outward emotion. (They'd been married 50 years.) She removed most
of his personal effects from their apartment promtly and went on
about her life - watching the stock market rise and fall and calling
me every couple of weeks for our usual stilted and obligatory
attemtps at conversation. Dad was never discussed again.
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| Fish Lake |
I had always thought that I wanted to
be cremated and my ashes taken to my favorite place in the world. My
family knows where it is, I've spoken of it often enough, but it
would be a burdensome trip for someone.
There is a new trend in
“eco-internments,” not only do they skip the emblaming and use a
plain pine casket, but you can also forget about the stone vault, the
shroud is biodegradable and you are planted in a part of the cemetery
where there are no headstones, just an occasional bench in a lovely
meadow for contemplative musings. (http://www.ecoburials.ca/)
My grandparents and great-grandparents are buried at this particular
cemetery, but in the traditional historic part. Reading the fine
print, they don't even recommend cremation due to the significant
amount of fuel needed for burning a body thoroughly. Hmmmm . . . .
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| Cobourg Union Cemetery, Cobourg, Ontario, Canada |
Back to Roxy, according the cemetery
record and her headstone, she was just 5 days shy of her 40th
birthday, leaving behind at least 5 children including my
grandfather, Edgar, who was not even two years old at the time.
Ironically, Edgar died when his own son, another Edgar (my father) was just three years
old. Life can be very fragile.
